Transitioning Home

A Message From Vice President of Student Life and Dean of Students Robin Holmes-Sullivan

 

Dear Lewis & Clark Parents,

Fall has officially arrived in the Pacific Northwest and the crisp air and bright fall leaves reminds us the semester is rapidly coming to an end. I can assure you, your student is probably feeling more stress now than they did when the semester first began. The reality of midterms and soon finals, homework expectations, and the sheer pressure of responsibilities and assignments is probably taking a bit of a toll right about now. Transitioning home will be a mixed bag, perhaps a relief: comforting, oddly different, and familiar all at the same time. When it comes to parenting college students, any time they come home can be an emotional one, particularly when expectations collide. You imagined many conversations with your college student about how classes are going and about new friends — but you also expected to still fulfill family traditions from their childhood, and spend plenty of one-on-one time with your almost-grown. Your student, on the other hand, probably imagined sleeping away the stress of midterms, hanging with high school friends until 2 am, and lots of home cooked meals to enjoy. For first-year parents, this first transition home can be especially vexing—that same kid who has been complaining and ready to just be done with the semester may be distant and out of sorts when they first arrive—just give it a bit of time. Here are a few tips to think about as you welcome your student back home:

1. Plan travel arrangements well ahead of time.

Book plane tickets early and encourage your child to line up their ride to the airport and allow plenty of time to get through security. If you’re planning to pick up your child on campus instead, allow a little extra time and have patience.

More often than not, your child will still be packing when you arrive, and will have a mountain of dirty laundry that they expect you to do “for free” at home. Don’t forget to pack water and snacks for the road, but also throw in a blanket and pillow just in case. If you’re lucky, you may end up using them when they decide they miss driving.

2. Make an agenda.

Check in with your child before they return home and find out what plans they may have already made. Let them know about any family commitments on the calendar, but understand that they need time to see their friends too — they have a lot of catching up to do. Also, schedule any necessary doctor, dentist, or hairdressing appointments ahead of time.

3. Reinforce the importance of responsible living.

Make sure your child is on track with eating, sleeping and study habits. Remind them of the counseling services available for free on their campus, and stay up-to-date on their well-being. If your child was an active athlete in high school, see if they’ve gotten their fix of exercise on campus and emphasize that they try and do so. This goes for involvement in other clubs and organizations, too.

Also, this break is a time to bring up a conversation about responsible extracurricular activities – a good time for this is after they ask for that glass of wine with dinner for the first time.

4. Reassert your role as a mentor.

As a friend, fan, and in most cases, financier, you remain equally well positioned to hold significant influence over your child. Remote as you may be when your child is away at school, the lessons you impart still stand as the primary voice of reason in their lives. If you stand boldly during their first long break from college, you will help them return with the loving lessons they need to succeed at school.

5. Expect major changes on your end, too.

Your child will have grown a great deal since they left you, mentally and/or physically. It’s a good idea to check if your child has become a vegetarian before you carve the roasted turkey. Similarly, address the family beforehand if your child has made any drastic changes to their appearance. Also, if you’ve made any major changes, especially to their old room, let them know before their arrival to avoid confrontations.

6. Stock the kitchen.

Ask your child what meals they expect when they are home. Make sure to get all the ingredients for them as well as their favorite snacks. Consider there may be unexpected guests at the house from time to time, too.

7. Reexamine house rules and curfews.

Your child has had complete freedom at college to go where they wanted, when they wanted, and no one waited up. Enforcing a curfew at home may not only be impossible, it also sends an unsettling message that you have so little faith in their ability to take care of themself.

Think about alternative ways you could word things to avoid your child’s retaliation. For example, if you are worried about an exhausted teen driving in the middle of the night, ask that the car be home by a specific time. If you just want to know that they are safe, discuss what time they plan to be home and ask that they call or text you if there’s a change in plans.

8. Let them sleep.

Expect your child to do a lot of sleeping. Between the intense studying, dorm social life and their own sleeping habits, their sleeping schedule will have changed dramatically. It is not exactly being lazy when they sleep till noon the first few days of break — they are exhausted.

9. Bring them shopping.

Your child probably brought their entire collection of dirty laundry home — and they will love it if you offer to help, especially if they have run out of detergent or quarters for the dorm dryer. But this is a good time to help him restock other essentials too, including toiletries, snacks and cleaning supplies.

10. Don’t stop now.

While some teens can’t wait to get back to college after the short Thanksgiving break, for this year, we will be extending the break well into January. Some students will be itching to get back to campus while others still haven’t quite acclimated to campus life. They may have battled homesickness or wept over faraway high school sweethearts.

After a few days nestled with family and old friends, eating their favorite foods and having someone else do their laundry, they may not want to go back to college. If they drop out now, the entire semester was a waste of time, tuition and credits—so gently remind them that after Thanksgiving there are still a few weeks of studying, writing papers and taking final exams.

Offer love and reassurance, and emphasize how only two few weeks remain until the semester is over. Often, the time between Thanksgiving and winter break is a turning point in terms of settling in to the college routine and feeling accomplished after finals.

From: How parents & kids can survive a holiday visit home from college

by Kayla Hedman, Champlain College News

Enjoy this time with your college student. Unlike past years, they will be with you and family from late November until the middle of January. That is a long break. And, we have never had such a long break in the midst of a pandemic. As cases rage across the country, it is not surprising that your student, and everyone else in the family is ready for a break, hopeful of returning to some normalcy that one can experience through traditions and seeing loved ones. Remind your student to keep their guard up and continue to observe the good health habits that allowed the on-campus experience to be successful. As tempting as it might be, this is no time to let our guard down.

In closing, I want to extend a big thank you to each and everyone of the LC students who did such a fabulous job of keeping the campus safe. As parents, you played a role in that as well—so thank you.

We will be sending your student information about transition back to campus and what to expect sometime in early December. Until then, happy fall!

Sincerely,

Robin H. Holmes-Sullivan, PhD
Vice President of Student Life and Dean of Students
Lewis & Clark College

VP Holmes-Sullivan Message: November 02, 2020