Name: Samuel Barber
Nick Name: Hurricane
BMI: Would not Remove “Bling” for Accurate Weighing
Hometown: Springfield, OR
Bio: Born in the late 1980’s, Sam’s early life is the subject of some speculation. It is known that he was born into a desperate situation in Springfield Oregon, a place where his survival to teenage years testifies to his grittiness and street smarts. Though never formally charged before 1999, Barber was implicated in several criminal investigations, and was finally caught red handed with a trunk full of stolen car stereos in 2002. Sentenced to several years in the grim Coffee Creek Penitentiary, prison never the less seemed to give focus to Barbers previously unknown talents. A near constant figure on Coffee Creek’s notorious prison disc courts, Barber honed his talents to a razors edge, and distinguished himself as rising star.
After only two years of incarceration, wealthy boosters at Eugene’s exclusive South High School negotiated Barber’s conditional release, and it was arranged for his adoption by wealthy family near the school. Leading South to numerous championships, Barber rode his fame to a full ride to LC on an ultimate scholarship. Sources close to the prodigy confirm that he jumped at the chance to showcase his undeniable skills on a grander stage and looks forward to eventually going pro ”“ providing the kids from his old neighborhood hope that they too can escape the mean streets of Springfield. Sometimes his grittiness, desire to succeed at all costs, and shoot from the hips style conflict with the powers that be in Ultimate’s good ol’ boys club atmosphere. Barber remains true to his roots however, never losing the steely determination that lifted him out of a life of crime
Name: Ben Lohre
Nick Name: Lohre Time
BMI: Perfect in Every Way
Hometown: North Frisbeeville, CO
Bio: In football, it is good to be a Manning. In Baseball, there are Griffeys and Ripkens. Hockey has the Sutters. The name Lohre is all that, and more, for Ultimate. Ben held his first disc on the age of two, threw his first scoober at three, and was skying kids twice his age by the time he was eight. Of course, none of this was ever enough for Ben’s parents whose constant disapproval is the greatest motivator in Ben’s life. His drive to succeed is often misinterpreted by his teammates as hostility and the lack of nurturing in his household has left him unable to open up emotionally to all but his closest friends. Women find him mysterious and, inevitably, irresistible.
Name: Kelly Van Arsdale
Nick Name: Air Male
BMI: Too Tall to be Measured Effectively
Hometown: $eattle, WA
Name: Kelly Van Arsdale
Bio: To say that Kelly Van Arsdale is familiar with stardom would be an understatement. Kelly was first thrust into the spotlight at the age of five, when he was revealed to be the illegitimate son of Muhammed Ali. Though the constant press attention ebbed as the months went by, Van Arsdale soon began to draw attention for other reasons. At 8, Van Arsdale began his first tech start-up based around a revolutionary web search algorithm. He soon lost interest however, and sold the company now known as Google to Sergey Brin for a small sum and Brin’s charitable promise to employ Kelly’s perpetually overshadowed brother, Chris.
Now determined to conquer the world of athletics, Van Arsdale became the inevitable darling of the internationally televised middle school ultimate scene. At 12 he became the first known human to sky Ben Lohre, and at 13 his decision to join the Lakeside Loins for his high school years was hailed as a miracle for the traditionally underdog North Seattle squad. With the eyes of the world upon him however, tragedy struck. In the an exhibition game against a South Eugene, Kelly, in a horizontal layout score, struck his head on the cross bar of the football upright, causing immediate brain damage. Rendered a vegetable, Van Arsdale was soon the subject of such reality shows as “My Genius Child Athlete is a Vegetable!”, and “He Won’t Move No Matter How Hard You Poke Him!”.
Only regaining his ability to move his senior year of high school, Kelly was regarded as an ill advised recruiting risk, and was forced to sign with Colorado Mamabird, the historic rivals to his childhood heroes, Lewis and Clark Bacchus. His first year with the squad was marked by conflict with his team mates, mostly over the team wide obsession with spikes and flatbrims that SportsCenter anchor Scott McKendry once called “freakish and disturbing”.
His almost inevitable transfer to L&C was greeted with relief by the national sports press, and expectations for Van Arsdale have never been higher.
Name: Aaron Di Silvestro
Nick Name: Wild Card, Game Day
BMI: Missed Weigh-In Due to “Epic Hangover”
Home Town: $eattle, WA
Bio: Perhaps known better for his volatile demeanor and prima donna antics than his Ultimate prowess, Aaron, often called the Terrell Owens of college Ultimate needs little introduction. The polarizing player came to Lewis and Clark after several significant on and off field discipline issues forced his previous school, GWU, to expel him from the Ultimate team in a widely publicized saga. In a controversial maneuver Aaron, already having a BA, registered at LC’s law school in order to gain eligibility for Bacchus after the team expressed interest in gaining him as a transfer. The degree he is working towards is widely considered to be a sham and many question his professed interest in the law. Nevertheless, Bacchus hopes that the change of scenery will refocus the energy that Aaron has traditionally spent in night clubs into achieving his potential as a defensive power in the college game.
Name: Joey Bosworth
Nick Name: Sir Joseph Robert Bozzworthington III, Esq. MD, Backhand
BMI: Dangerously Low from a Medical Standpoint
Home Town: Rural Alaska
Bio: With Bacchus’ recruiting focused largely on the inner cities, areas traditionally ignored by more established schools, the program has an undeniably metropolitan feel. Bozzworthington, however, is an exception to the rule. Joey, born in one of rural Alaska ”˜s log cabins, was the only son of parents who ran a wildcat oil concern. From a young age Joey was a local star on the Ultimate field although he was forced to play in low-quality Russian leagues since major Russian cities were the closest urban centers to the collection of hovels he quaintly calls his hometown. Because of Alaska’s remoteness Joey was not on any schools’ recruiting radar coming out of college. However, after choosing to attend LC Joey impressed as a walk on his freshman year and has parlayed his prodigious white boy hustle into an integral role with Bacchus. Although he often seems a fish out of water with his more worldly teammates his simple bumpkin ways have deeply endeared him to them.
Name: Benjamin Mitzner
Nick Name: Mitz, Hook
Home Badassville, CO
Bio: Benjamin Mitzner is a bear of a man. Benjamin Mitzner is a bear of a man. Benjamin Mitzner is a bear of a man. Benjamin Mitzner is a bear of a man. Benjamin Mitzner is a bear of a man. Benjamin Mitzner is a bear of a man. Benjamin Mitzner is a bear of a man. Benjamin Mitzner is a bear of a man. Benjamin Mitzner is a bear of a man. Benjamin Mitzner is a bear of a man. Benjamin Mitzner is a bear of a man. Benjamin Mitzner is a bear of a man. Benjamin Mitzner is a bear of a man. Benjamin Mitzner is a bear of a man. Benjamin Mitzner is a bear of a man. Benjamin Mitzner is a bear of a man.
Name: Luke Weinstein
Nick Name: Jung Skywalker
BMI: Test Results Invalidated by Intimidating Facial Hair
Hometown: Eugene, OR
Bio: Born across the tracks from Sam, Luke was an important member of Eugene’s famous Ultimate development academy from a young age, often playing up age classes. This experience gave him an impressive ability to play effectively against larger, more physical opponents. Tragically when he was 13 he severely injured nerves in his shoulder that controlled his right hand. When Luke Skywalker had his hand chopped off by his father the technology existed to replace his hand. Unfortunately, that technology does not exist today and Luke had to spend years training himself to throw left handed. The setback left him a shell of his former self and, of course, left handed players just aren’t as good, but he has become an essential member of the LC Ultimate program despite his disability.
Name: Ian Mass
Nick Name: MK, Johnny
BMI: Floats, Probably a Witch
Hometown: Yayarea, CA
Bio: Purple Drank has killed better men than Ian Mass. However, maybe, just maybe, no better man has overcome an addiction to the insidious scourge of this generation of athletes. Ian’s tale of success, fall, and redemption is familiar in the streets of the Bay Area, in all but its last part. A promising young ultimate player, Ian was introduced to the idea of getting “hyphy” and/or “crunk” at a young age by the seedier elements of the San Francisco ultimate scene. For years he was able to live, and succeed, side by side with his addiction. His success at LC however, weighed heavily on him and led to a tailspin that only ended with a highly publicized arrest and prosecution for a domestic dispute involving housemate Van Arsdale, and a nearly lethal quantity of the “Drank.” Given one last chance by LC, Ian is now drank free and can be seen constantly working on his ultimate skills with one of the energy drinks that have served to replace his oral fixation. It remains to be seen whether he can maintain his newfound sobriety.
Name: Robin Osofsky
Nick Name: None Given
BMI: Would Not Stop Moving Long Enough to Test.
Hometown: Albuquerque, NM
Bio: A relative latecomer to Ultimate, Robin Osofsky signed with Bacchus after nearly two years of negotiation and a much speculated upon signing bonus, rumored to be in the millions. Indeed, Osofsky’s move from a storied career in Track and Field to the national Frisbee scene created a media circus that saturated the LC campus with reporters and landed him on the cover of Sports Illustrated not once but four times. Originally from the wild outskirts of Alburqurque, Osofsky claims his blinding speed comes from his Mongolian heritage and a youth spent hunting desert hare armed only with his teeth and his wits.
An athletic boon to an ultimate team described once as “emaciated” by SportsCenter host Kevin Neghandi, Osofsky has yet to prove whether or not he can contribute to a run at the title for the green and white.
Name: Joseph Sibilia-Young
Nick Name: Paul Bunyan
BMI: Too Short to Test
Hometown: Pittsburgh, PA
Bio: Joseph was always small but he always dreamed big. From his youngest days he dreamed of playing for his father’s favorite college ultimate team ”“ LC Bacchus. However, he was always too small to take the field in Pittsburgh youth leagues. Eventually he battled his way onto his high school team and, on graduation, chose to attend a small junior college (Reed) near LC in order to gain the college credits and grades he needed to transfer to LC. His father did not believe in his dreams and thought that his son should have followed him onto the steel mills. Although now a student at LC it remains to be seen if ice hearted coach will give in to the demands of his team and their fans to play the big hearted, determined Joseph so that his father can finally see just how wrong he was. Please note that Aaron Di Silvestro owns the movie rights to Joseph’s life.