Pioneer LogLewis & Clark College’s Student-Run Newspaper

Finals: finishing strong

April 30, 2010

by Marley Badolati

Do you hear that – the wistful sounds pulsing through the hallways recently? That, my friend, is the collective sighs of relief that many seniors are releasing into the panicked atmosphere of the final weeks of class. Thesis presentations, senior recitals, and art exhibits are all coming to an end. Most of us seem ready to throw up our hands and rejoice that it’s over.

I experienced it myself last night after the Senior Poetry Reading. I went out for drinks with my fellow poets after we read and was in such high spirits that I could hardly believe it was Tuesday. But it was Tuesday and I did have class the next day. The world seemed like a very cruel place.

I went home and read some more of Boswell’s London Journal, which is so full of entertaining sexual material that I couldn’t help but steal a bit of it for this week’s article.

The first half of his daily journal spends a good deal of time describing the object of his sexual desire – an actress named Louisa. He spends a great deal of effort and money before he finally gets her to sleep with him (five times in one night, mind you). He then writes a lengthy diary entry about the blissful night in which he decides that “thus was [the] conquest completed to [his] highest satisfaction”. But a mere four days later he writes that he “found that the warm enthusiasm of love was over”.

He later gets gonorrhea, which may or may not be karma for losing interest in Louisa immediately after satisfying his sexual urges. Even though no one cares about these particular dead people anymore, we learn two things from this:

First, men have been losing interest in women after sleeping with them since 1763.

Second, if you’re a stupid jerk who neglects your lover after finally having amazing sex, then your life is going to suck a lot and you’ll probably get an STD.
Instead of merely giving up on someone after having satisfying sex, you should latch on and try to improve the relationship in any way you can. Why? Well, if you had fantastic sex once, then your chances of having it again are relatively high. Besides, you already put in so much time seducing your lover that it would be a shame to throw it away.

I know I’ve already compared amazing sex to amazing discussion class environments, but let’s be honest here – finishing your senior project, whatever it may be, is infinitely more like an orgasm than any other academic situation. It feels amazing and makes you want to just roll over and fall asleep. Honestly, once you’ve finished presenting your capstone work, you won’t want to do a goddamn thing besides sleep.

Unfortunately, passing out is not a good idea in the long run. This is the post mind-blowing-sex, relationship building moment of intimacy that you cannot neglect. At this point, you’re too tired to imagine having sex again and you might not want to talk with your bedfellow. Maybe you even decide that since sex was so good the first time, there isn’t anything left to look forward to, so you might as well find someone new before this gets boring.

If you are of this opinion, you are wrong and stupid and if you don’t buckle down and finish the mundane work you have to do in order to graduate, it’s going to make it a hell of a lot more difficult to have orgasms in the future when you’ve got Cs all over your final transcript or herpes all over your special place. So, enjoy the relatively few moments of bliss to the utmost extent, but don’t forget to foster an environment in which more pleasure can thrive healthily and plentifully.