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Sub-par students: Dealing with kinky crashed crushes

April 09, 2010

by Marley Badolati

It happens to all of us at some point – the horrible realization that the crush you’ve been obsessed with simply doesn’t “like like” you back. It gets even worse when you know that there isn’t any reason why they should like you either – there seems to be an unlimited number of available, attractive, funny, and smart people also vying for this person’s affection. There are roughly three ways to respond to this scenario:

1) You break down completely: Your confidence is shattered and you slump around for a few weeks or a year – depending on your brooding ability – before you finally find a new person to break your heart. You don’t do anything productive during this time of mourning and start to really annoy your friends after the first couple of days.

2) You become the overly devoted friend: Even though you’ve realized that this person isn’t that into you, you just can’t give up. You are so unbelievably enamored with them that you decide to become their best friend and confidant in hopes that they will someday change their mind. You pretend to love basketball or The Notebook, let your heartbreaker tell you all of his or her problems, and act as if you don’t have romantic feelings so that you can trick him or her into getting close to you. Eventually you end up hearing about all the other people this person dates, which prompts you to confess your undying love. At this point, they either stop being your friend or continue to string you along. It rarely works out happily in the end. Even if this love interest decides that you’re great, the relationship will begin on a foundation of lies – you can keep pretending that you love romantic comedies or sports, but after a while you realize that you don’t actually like being with your over-romanticized vision of love.

3) Say “screw it”: You decide that you really don’t care that much anyway and go back to doing what you want to do. This is nearly always the most productive and fulfilling response to rejection. By immersing yourself in activities or projects you enjoy you often end up making yourself more attractive – people are interested in those who are passionate and skilled. This is more than half the reason why students get crushes on professors – they’re just so impressively knowledgeable and excited about their field of study.

And yes, this is all related to an academic scenario. If you are a normal person you will, at some point in your academic career, realize that you are not the smartest, most creative, talented and promising student here. Students facing this disheartening realization often latch on to a discipline without really thinking about it first. They just want to prove themselves and figure that the best way to do so is by choosing a difficult major and kicking ass. Unfortunately, there are hundreds of other students who are also kicking ass in every major and you realize once again that you’re not going to get the coveted position as the department’s golden child as easily as you thought. When you find yourself in this distressing situation, you have the same three options as when your love interest rejects you. You can either,

1) Break down completely and decide that there is no point in trying anymore. This is a dangerous place to be. You start thinking that the world is too competitive, so why not just drop out of college and work on being the best Starbucks employee in the Pacific Northwest? No one is ever going to respect you anyway. This response only worsens the situation: your professors aren’t impressed, and your friends don’t care about your $.15 raise.     

2) Suck up more than anyone in the history of wormy students. Volunteer for everything – become a tutor, SAAB member, and beg for more things to do. Go to all of their colloquiums even if you don’t care about the subject or have any idea of what’s being talked about. When you do go to the colloquiums and events, bring sharp pencils to stab yourself with. Otherwise you might fall asleep, which would ruin your plan. Get As on everything but pay no attention to what you’re learning. This reaction is less harmful than the first, and you might even be able to get into grad school this way, but it won’t work out in the end. Eventually you’ll realize that you don’t care about the subject you’ve dedicated the last eight years of your life to. All you wanted was to get As.

3) Say “screw it”: you realize that it doesn’t matter if you’re every teacher’s pet or the star of the college. You begin to spend time on things you care about, whether that be fungal lab research, the poetry of Walt Whitman, or reading Beyond Good and Evil three times a month. Just find something and develop your knowledge of it. Professors will recognize you for your work and you might even figure out what you want to do in the future.

People will continue to tell you what to do for the rest of your life. So take the little leeway you have as a young, confused adult and focus on what it is that you love to do. And who knows what can happen? You might even find that interests that seem completely irrelevant to an academic environment – like relationships and sex – might actually be vitally important to your understanding of what it is we’re doing in college. Of course, if your only interests are being blackout drunk or stoned out of your mind as often as possible, you won’t succeeded by pursuing those delights. Developing your skills as an alcoholic doesn’t attract professors, lovers, or employers. So figure it out! Try reading something. Also keep in mind that you are here to graduate. If you’ve realized that you’re not meant for grad school or anything involving future academia, that’s fine. Just go through the motions of requirements while spending your energy on courses or extracurricular activities that you love.

Be selfish in your education!

Why else spend this much money?