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Top 15 reasons why Lil Wayne should not go to jail

March 05, 2010

by Claire Eisenberg and Megan Sadler

This week Lil Wayne will be sentenced to one year in Rikers Island prison for a 2007 incident involving a .40 cal semiautomatic gun. His sentencing was originally scheduled for Feb. 9, but was postponed, first because of a surgery involving 8 root canals, and later when the courthouse caught fire.

15. Unwanted pregnancies will increase without Lil Wayne as a condom spokesman.

14. Young and impressionable teenagers will do more drugs because of the surplus left in Weezy’s absence. 

13.  He recorded 30 music videos over the month leading up to his prison sentence.  If they keep postponing his sentence, think of how productive he’ll be.  

12. His flock of protégés at Young Money Entertainment will be left wandering aimlessly without the presence of their president.  

11. What will ESPN do without its best commentator and blogger?

10. The music industry will not survive without him.

9. He’s never spent this much time away from his beloved father-figure, Bryan “Baby” Williams aka the Birdman.

8. Amateur bowling will never be the same.

7. The world will fall into a period of cold-hearted depression without his heartwarming and inspiring insights on love?  For example, “if love is everywhere,i’ll [sic] never end up in the middle of nowhere.”

6. He coined the term “bling bling.”  What other new vocabulary will we miss out on while he is incarcerated?

5.  Purple drank isn’t going to drink itself.

4.  At only 5’6”, he’s too Lil to go to jail.  

3. He has to be the father to Reginae, Dwayne III, Lennox Samuel Ari (incidentally born on 09/09/09), Neal, and an alleged fetus residing in Shanell’s womb.

2.  Da Drought 3.

1.  He named his child Neal.